The Engagement

The Engagement
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All of Tina's characters, anonymous are mine, plot is from "The Proposal"
Spoilers: The Proposal
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Summary: "Elizabeth, sweet, Elizabeth. Will you marry me?"

A few men went inside Jack's room one day.
"What is it, gentlemen?"
"Jack, you're getting deported."
Jack started laughing.
"Ha, good one! Now what is it that you really need?"
"Jack, you are getting deported."
"And may I ask why?"
"52 years ago, a certain woman went to Ireland after her boyfriend broke up with her. She was drunk. And 9 months later, she gave birth to someone in Dublin. We're talking about you, Jack."
"I'm the woman?"
"Stop acting stupid. We're saying that you are the son and Colleen Donaghy was the woman."
"This is an outrage! Who do you think becomes president when the vice president gets shot?!"
"Nancy Pelosi."
Before Jack could reply, Liz came in the door. And then he had the idea.
"Gentlemen, I would like you to meet Elizabeth Lemon, my fiancé."
And that's when Liz found herself wanting to punch Jack.
"I'll tell you the story. Just pretend to be laughing when I'm whispering something to you."
And so Liz did what she was told.
"Excuse us, gentlemen."
"Okay, tell me the story." Liz asked impatiently, but laughing while her hand touched his chest.
"I'm getting deported. To Ireland. If you marry me, we'll have to go back to Ireland, where Colleen took her vacation this year, and tell her all about us."
"What?!"
"Look, keep calm. Now, let's hug so they won't think we're fighting."
"N-n-no."
"Isn't this nice?"
"Mm-hmm."
Jack's hand slowly went lower Liz's back and down to her ass.
"Boop, boop, boop."
"Touch my ass again and I will cut your balls off in your sleep. Got it?"
"Yeah."
"Such a good little fiancé." 
And Liz slapped him on the cheek.
"May we continue?" the gentlemen asked.
"Of course." Liz said.
"Now, you'll have to go to the agency to prove that you're actually getting married."
"You don't trust me?" Jack asked.
"It's confirmation, Jack." the man said.
"We have scheduled an appointment for you at 4 pm today."
"Today? That only gives us about two hours to--" Liz started to say.
"To love each other, right Lizzie?" Jack continued.
Liz wanted to smack him in the face.
"That's...right, Jack."
"Well, then. Congratulations." and the men left.
When they closed the door, Liz began talking.
"What was that about?"
"What?"
"The violations, the hugging, the "love-making" comment."
"It was for appearance."
"But, why? Why me?"
"It was the only thing I could think of!"
"Fine. Ask me nicely."
"'Ask you nicely' what?"
"Ask me nicely to marry you, Jack."
Jack got on one knee.
"Lemon, will you marry me?"
"Say it like you mean it."
"Elizabeth, sweet Elizabeth,"
"I'm listening."
"Will you please, with cherries on top, marry me?"
"Okay. I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but yes. I will marry you. I'll see you at four."
"Hey, wait. Don't we need to know about each other?"
"I already know everything about you."
"What's the size of--"
"Five inches but it's thick."
"And might I ask...how?"
"You said that to Jonathan the first time we met."
"And how am I supposed to know everything about you?"
"You'll know. Except one thing."
"Your middle name."
"What is it?"
"Just say it's a German name that you can't pronounce."
"I'll see you later, Lemon."
At four, they both met up at the agency when they saw the man that would be asking them questions.
"You know, one answer and I will take you down." said the man.
"Um, okay?" Liz said.
"Let's do this."
When it was Liz's turn, the man started asking her the questions.
"What's Jack's favorite color?"
"I don't know, red?"
"No."
"Blue?"
"No."
"Green? Sort of like a hunter green, maybe?"
"No. He knows your favorite color."
"B-"
"It's white. His favorite color is white."
Then it was Jack's turn.
"Who's on top?"
"Excuse me?"
"Who's on top?"
"Are you asking me about my sex life with her?"
"Just answer the question."
"I...am?"
After the long hours, they went and got their luggage and headed to Ireland.

TBC? (maybe!!!)