The Things People Say

Rating: PG-13 (I'm gonna suck at these smutty things.)
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Summary: Three things Liz has called sex/making out when they were caught.

1) "A snake bit my lip, so he was sucking out the venom!"

Jack and Liz have been dating for almost six months now. That's an accomplishment because no one knew they were. So, yeah. Liz was happy about that. There were some times that they almost got caught, though.
The first time was when Jenna offered to give her a ride using Paul's car.
("No thanks, Jenna. My ride's taking me home," Liz explained.
"Who's your ride? You never ask someone to take you home unless it's a taxi."
"Yeah, well--"
"Hey, it's movie night tomorrow night! What movie do you want to watch?"
"I, uh, have a thing tomorrow night."
Liz got a text from Jack saying that the car was ready.
"I gotta go, Jenna.")
Coming close to their six-month anniversary, Liz wanted to surprise Jack by buying him lunch so they could eat out at the balcony, but Jack beat her to it. Instead of buying lunch to-go, Jack told her to meet him at Plunder.
Liz saw him out at the door waiting for her with a smile on his face.
"Jack? What's this all about?"
Jack put a blindfold over her eyes.
"Trust me. You're going to love this."
They walked for about a minute or two.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"Just wait. We're almost there....okay. Take the blindfold off. Hit it, guys."
Violins started playing and a big sign that said, "Will you marry me?" was shown.
Liz's eyes widened.
"Are you...are you serious?"
Jack kneeled down on one knee and opened a small box. Inside was the ring she liked when they went ring-shopping for Elisa.
"Elizabeth Lemon, I know we've been dating for only six months, but we have been friends for more than six years now. I love you. After all my failed relationships, you were always the one who made me feel better. Every hardship, every success, you were the only one who was always there for me. You know my whole life, inside and out. We have no secrets. This relationship is like no other I have ever experienced. Usually, it's all about the competition. I used to date women who were like me. But then I realized, maybe what I really need is the exact opposite. These past six months have been the best months of my life. I want you, Elizabeth. I want to tell people that you are mine and no one else's. Marry me."
Liz's eyes started to water.
"Okay. But I'm not wearing the ring to work."
Jack smirked.
"Deal."
He kissed her and they ate lunch there.
Later when they went back to work, someone knocked on Liz's door.
It was Jenna.
Liz frantically took her ring out of her finger and stuffed it in her pocket.
"Hey, Jenna!" Liz said, a little to enthusiastically.
"Hi...Liz, where were you yesterday night? I was knocking on your door, but no one answered. Did you move out or something?"
"No! I still live there. I was probably out."
"Liz, it was at two in the morning when I knocked. Where else could you possibly--ohh. Who's your new man?"
Liz scoffed.
"I do not have a new man!"
Then her phone started ringing. It was Jack.
"Hey, Jack?"
"Hello, Lemon."
"What's up? Why'd you call me?"
Jack chuckled.
"I just wanted to see how my beautiful fiancé was doing."
Liz blushed, but hopefully Jenna didn't see that.
"Aw, shut up! Those are lies."
"Would I lie to you?"
Liz smirked.
"No, I guess not."
"Right. Well, would you like to come to my office?"
"Yeah, sure. What time?"
"Now, actually."
"Augh, I wish I could, but I can't. Jenna's here right now."
"Tell her you guys can talk later. Come on, Lemon. I'm still your boss."
"Okay, fine."
"Bye. Love you."
"You too, Jack. You too," Liz said before hanging up.
"Hey, let's have this meeting some other time. I have to meet with Jack."
"Why are you talking weird?" Jenna asked her.
"What? No! I'm not talking weird."
Liz ran to the elevator as fast as she could.
"Who, whoa, whoa. No need to get over-excited to see me, Lemon," Jack said as she saw Liz running to his desk.
"It's Jenna. She's after us."
"Did you tell her about our relationship?"
"No, of course not. That'd be like telling Brian Williams that there's an alligator on the loose."
Jack looked at her weirdly.
"I don't quite understand that metaphor, but you have nothing to worry about. Trust me, okay?"
Liz smiled, then nodded.
"I love you," she whispered before kissing him.
"I think you guys should make sure that the door's locked," Jenna said.
Liz pulled away.
"A SNAKE BIT MY LIP SO JACK WAS JUST SUCKING THE VENOM OUT!" Liz yelled.
"Chill, Liz! Everyone knows you guys are dating. You guys send out too many signals and you show too much PDA. We were all just waiting for one of you to crack."
"Well, we're not dating," Jack said.
"Uh, yeah you are," Jenna said.
Jack shook his head.
"Liz and I...are getting married."
Jenna's jaw dropped.
"NO. WAY."
"Yes way, Jenna," Jack replied.
"Yeah. Now go to your dressing room to plan our wedding, okay? Okay. Bye, Jenna!" Liz yelled.

2) "Just doing push-ups on the bed!"

Ever since Emily turned four years old, she had always wanted to be with her parents. She wanted to be with them wherever they went because she loved them. Her father worked for GE, and her mother worked as the head writer of a live comedy show. So, yeah. She had awesome parents. Even though she did have a half-sister who chose to have her room upstairs, she loved her family.
Lately, though, she had trouble sleeping. Since her room is right next door to her parents' room, she could hear them if they were shouting.
One afternoon when she was playing with her Barbies, Emily heard her mother. She wasn't screaming, but she kept calling out her dad's name.
Emily shrugged and decided that they were just talking.
Meanwhile, in the other room:
"Oh, god. Yes. Oh, Jack," Liz moaned.
Liz's breaths came in short, raggedy breaths and her moans became louder. This was mind-blowing. She hadn't had sex like this for a long time.
Jack kept thrusting inside her, and each time, Liz would keep telling him not to stop.
She came shortly after and Jack as well.
They lied back down in bed and catched their breath.
"Wow. Oh my god. That was--God, Jack. I don't think I can ever walk again."
Jack smirked.
"That was amazing, yes."
Liz smiled and kissed him one last time before they fell asleep.
When she woke up, Jack was still next to her, but he was awake. She knew that because his erection was still there. Yep. Not going anywhere.
She turned around to face him and immediately, his eyes snapped shut.
"Alright. You're awake. I know you are."
Jack chuckled.
"So, up for another round?" he asked with a sly grin on his face.
"Hm. Sure, what the hell?"
Later:
Jack was on top of Liz, telling her to spread her legs wider. Liz tried to supress her moans, but she couldn't. They just...came out.
"Mommy? Daddy? What are you guys doing?"
Liz's eyes widened at Jack.
"Shit," he whispered.
"Hi, Em! Your dad and I are just...excercising. He was doing push-ups earlier," Liz said with a fake enthusiastic tone.
"Emily Brooklyn Donaghy, please knock next time whenever you enter our room," Jack said with a stern voice.
"I did knock, Daddy. A lot of times. I guess you guys just didn't hear me."
Emily shrugged and left the room.
"I. Hate. You.," Liz said.
Jack just smirked.
"They were having sex, dummy," Liddy said to Emily.
"What's that?"
Liddy rolled her eyes and went back to her room.
"If you need me, I'll be in my room texting Ryan."
"Who's Ryan?"
"A boy I like. Now, shoo. No pests allowed in my room."
"You're the bestest big sister ever, Liddy!"
"Yeah, yeah. I know."

3) "Jack took gynecology in college and I was just here for a check-up!"

Avery had been gone a long time. It was about three years later until Jack found out that she had escaped from North Korea.
Avery was doing perfectly fine, all right. She had interviews with everyone and each day, there was always a story about her on the news.
"Avery Jessup pregnant?," "Avery Jessup's new man," "Avery Jessup starts the Avery Jessup fund," stuff like that.
One day, Avery found out that her husband was still working at the same place. So, she bought him a gift basket and a Korean-English dictionary since she has been throwing Korean sayings here and there by accident.
Oh, and Liddy. Sweet, sweet Liddy. How she missed her daughter so much. She remembered she still had a key to their house, so she decided to surprise her daughter by entering the house unexpectedly. Liddy was already fourteen now and was probably the smartest and most beautiful girl in her school.
Avery tried opening the door with the key, but it wouldn't work. She sighed, and decided to just knock.
A tall-ish girl answered the door. She was wearing glasses and her hair was blonde...like hers.
"Yeah?" the girl asked.
"Liddy? Is that you?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm Avery Jessup, your mother."
Liddy smirked.
"No, you aren't. My birth mother's in North Korea with a new family."
Avery's emotion quickly changed.
"Excuse me?"
"My birth mother abandoned me. I have a step-mother."
Avery scoffed.
"I didn't abandon you, Liddy. I was held captive."
Liddy shook her head.
"If you want to have further proof, please visit my father. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cook dinner for my younger sister."
Liddy shut the door in front of Avery.
Hang on, sister? Who was this new woman Jack had?
She went to the GE building and took the elevator to Jack's floor. On the way, there were about 15 more people that went in that elevator which made the trip longer than it needed to be.
Meanwhile in Jack's office:
Liz kissed him. Casually, at first. Then he kissed her, more intimately this time. Jack kissed her neck, then her shoulder as he unhooked her bra. So, yeah. They were gonna do it on his desk, just like Jack asked her to. At first she didn't want to do it. But now that she felt confident, they're so doing this. They walked slowly to his desk and Jack took everything off of it. He set the computer down gently on the ground, took all the pictures and other things off and told Liz to sit at the edge.
Liz obeyed and Jack stood up in front of her.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lemon?" he asked her one final time.
Liz nodded.
"Just tell me when to stop," he said.
Jack unzipped Liz's dress and told her to spread her legs.
Liz took a deep breath and nodded.
One finger brushed over her clit and it sent chills to her body. She gasped, even though she knew this was going to happen. Then, two fingers entered her.
Yeah, this was good.
"Uh-huh.....keep doing that," she told him.
And so he did. Then, his head went down there. Wait, huh? Why was he--? Uh-oh. Well, it's too late to back out now.
I should stop thinking now, Liz thought.
Jack kissed her inner thighs and began to lick her...there.
Man, she needs to be more adult-y.
But right now, it didn't really matter because what he was doing to her felt so good.
She was about to come when:
"Oh. My. God."
Then someone closed the door.
Jack looked up.
"Who was there?" Jack asked her.
"I think it was Avery!" she said.
Liz frowned.
"She ruined it. I was getting there, you know?" she complained.
Jack sighed.
He wiped his mouth with baby wipes (that's why it was there!) and washed his hands in the bathroom.
Liz's phone rang shortly after.
"Hey, Mom?"
"Liddy! What's going on? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Everything's going great. I just got home from school an hour ago and I picked Em up, too. She's eating the dinner I cooked for her."
"How was school today?"
"It was okay. I have a volleyball game tomorrow night."
"That's nice, honey. Why'd you call?"
"Oh, right. A lady knocked on the door earlier. She was claiming to be my birth mom."
"Did she say her name?"
"No. She was blond and it looked like she recognized me."
"Um...okay. We'll be home in a few minutes, so you can tell me the whole story then."
Liz hung up.
She went outside and saw Avery sitting on the chair.
"Hi, Avery," Liz said.
"It was you? Jack chose you?" Avery asked.
"No, no. Jack...took gynecology in college. I was just there getting for a check-up."
"So, there's nothing going on with you and Jack?"
Jack cleared his throat.
"Actually, Liz and I are married. Twelve years, actually."
"Those are lies, Donaghy. You told me you signed those divorce papers and turned them in."
"Avery, somehow I still believe that by some twist of fate, Liz and I were destined to be married. Plus, I didn't have the heart to do it."
"We have a daughter. Emily Donaghy. She's six years old now."
Avery gave them the gift basket.
"Oh. Um, congratulations, you guys," she said, before walking away.
"I thought we've been only married for six years," Liz said.
Jack just chuckled.

FIN?